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polarvoidWELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, CHARACTER NAME/ALIAS. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 018.07.154.55 *** CHARACTER NAME/ALIAS has joined 018.07.154.55 <Daisy>This is Basil! I'm not around right now, but if you leave a message I'll get back to it as soon as I can. <BANNED USER> SCREENED MESSAGE. UNSCREEN? Y/N -- sample for when you ban someone <USERNAME> First sentence of message. <USERNAME> First sentence of message. | ||||
no subject
Date: 2023-04-21 06:13 am (UTC)It's not just you. I can barely hear anything else.
[ A confession in return. ]
cw: hallucination
Date: 2023-04-21 06:24 am (UTC)But what Basil says next is more concerning. Perhaps more chilling, given the way he's suddenly not looking at Max, but past her.
At the corner.]
...do you see it, too?
no subject
Date: 2023-04-21 06:59 am (UTC)It's the most comparable experience. But this time, Steve's not going to leap out of nowhere to protect her, he's asleep. Lucas isn't going to hold her hand to comfort her, he's not here.
Max tenses up, but to her credit she only hesitates for a good three seconds or so before she turns her head in the direction Basil's looking in, eyes wide, to see—
An empty corner. ]
...N-no. No, that one, I... I don't see anything.
no subject
Date: 2023-04-21 05:53 pm (UTC)Not that she'd understand. If anything, it's likely only made things feel worse, given how Basil is huddled in the dark and not really making pains to make the atmosphere feel at all safe.
He swallows hard, forcing himself to tear his eyes away from it. It won't go anywhere. It never does.]
...I see it. Because I-
[Before he can finish, he sucks in a sharp, pained breath, and quickly brings his hands up over his nose. He holds his mouth shut, so firmly he can feel his fangs gouge his tongue, but he ignores it. Because his lips try to move regardless, his head and shoulders trembling with the force of trying to hold it back.
Selfish. You're SELFISH. You're a monster, in real life and in your mind.
Basil shakes his head a little, a thin whimper escaping him as he pulls his legs closer to his chest. He can't keep this up. Every time he stops himself, it hurts worse. It would be such a relief to tell someone, anyone. tell them anything.
The violin sings louder.]
cw: suicidal ideation
Date: 2023-04-22 04:21 am (UTC)But as she tries so hard to study him, focusing as he breaks off and takes an action much like her own, physically gagging himself to keep from talking, she can see, he isn't in a trance. He's talking to her, alert, but she doesn't know what kind of magic monsters have here that could do this. Why didn't she read more of the stupid guide? Why only stop at waldgeist? Someone is hurting her friend, and she doesn't know- she can't figure out what to do.
She doesn't even have her Walkman to fall back on.
Overcome with frustration, Max has only one thought. It wasn't the violin that compelled her here, it was her own hooves, so she makes the choice for herself to keep using them, stumbling across the floor to closes the distance between them—quite literally, stumbling. Her legs seem ready to give out, and she bites her lower lip to keep focused on just walking, something that used to be so, so simple. ]
Basil— [ Through gritted teeth. ] You- c-can talk to me. You can- tell me. I'm not—
[ There's the literal stumble, as her left leg suddenly folds like an accordion, depositing her in a heap on the floor in front of him. Max winces and hisses, as more sludgy blood pours from her wounds—but it's not just blood. No, it seems actually blood is the minority of what's coming out of her. It's moss, brilliantly red in ways moss shouldn't be, spilling out of her in its place.
Max feels like she's going to cry. All she's doing is stressing him out more. Her body won't listen to her. She can't help anyone like this. Something dark and heavy in her sys she should just give up. Lay here and do nothing, until her dead body gets with the program and decays.
The rest of her screams so loud it drowns that out. Pushes onto stiff yet trembling elbows. ]
...nn-not...leaving you...alone.
no subject
Date: 2023-04-22 07:03 pm (UTC)[There's some irony, in this being the only thing that could have snapped Basil out of it. Not completely- that music is impossible to ignore, and the fact the instrument couldn't be more grimly perfect if it tried is not helping matters- but it's enough that he's able to wrench his mind out of the trench it was trying to bury itself deep within, ready to open itself like a book for Max's perusal. There's no saying that isn't still going to happen, of course. It's just been delayed, the inevitable.
Basil moves, his limbs acting of seemingly their own accord as he slides off the bed to land in a heavy impact on the floor with Max, crawling the last few feet towards her to try to help her sit up. He's not sure if she can get to her knees like this, what with her wounds...but he isn't just going to sit in a petrified little ball while she languishes on the ground, helpless.
But the brief distraction means that Basil is left open. His mind, vulnerable. He sits up even as he's trying to help Max up, his ears perking upright when the music catches him off-guard.]
D...do you remember...when I told you I fell into the lake?
cw: drowning mentions, internalized ableism
Date: 2023-04-22 08:19 pm (UTC)(Lucas had wanted to come over, hadn't he, when she didn't come to school, thankfully he'd used her window, and it was how she got a walkie-talkie so they could keep in touch, her real induction into the Party—)
Max blinks away the memory swimming behind her eyes as Basil's little paws pull her up. Her shoulders shake with heavy breathing, autopilot from memories of being sick in bed and not something she actually needs. Leftover water in her lungs has it sound like wheezing. Like there's a little babbling brook inside her. Basil's assumption is very correct, as Max's attempts to push onto her knees only draw out more disgusting sloppy moss and an involuntary little whine. What this means is she's practically leaning on Basil. It's hard to look at him, and when he sits up she slumps against his side. ]
What? [ It's not what she's expecting. But she nods, antler brushing against Basil's arm. ] Y-yeah. I do.
cw: drowning
Date: 2023-04-22 08:48 pm (UTC)So as Max sits up and leans against him, Basil immediately wraps his tail loosely around her. He's careful, the spines laying down against his skin so they don't accidentally poke into her. He just hopes it's enough to help her stay upright. He's so worried about her, and if this music weren't dictating his every thought, he'd be asking her if she was okay. He can hear the way her voice sounds when she breathes, like she's halfway underwater...
And really, that's what brings Basil right back to the words dancing on the tip of his tongue.]
I...it wasn't...
[Get away from me!!
He remembers how cold it was, when he crashed through the water's surface. He remembers...thinks he remembers someone jumping in after him, but he doesn't know who. Because soon after that the darkness swallowed him up, and then...
...]
I was...pushed. A-and I...I don't remember anything after that.
no subject
Date: 2023-04-22 09:00 pm (UTC)What?
[ Again. She asks again. Because this has to be— ]
You mean- y-you're... You died?
[ She's shivering. She can't stop herself from shivering, even though the cold's a concern of the past. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-04-22 09:11 pm (UTC)[He really doesn't know. But how is he supposed to come to any other conclusion? He doesn't remember being rescued the water, nor did it seem like he was in good shape at the time he does recall last. He's never been a strong swimmer...
Basil shakes his head a little, bringing his hands up to his face, his eyes wide because he didn't...want to tell Max this. But he did anyway. And it's made the guilt...not better, exactly, but maybe less heavy. Just by a fraction.]
I'm...I'm s-sorry, I don't know why I...
[This is why he didn't want to be around anyone. If he's liable to say anything right now, then-!
His breath catches, and the melody hits him again, like a wave crashing over his head, and the words tumble from his mouth unbidden.]
A-aubrey pushed me in...Sunny and Kel were t-there too, but...they weren't...S-sunny wasn't...he wasn't...
["Sunny" may be familiar, since he cried out for Sunny during his changes.
Aubrey certainly is, since he mistook Max for her, at one point.]
no subject
Date: 2023-04-22 09:30 pm (UTC)Her head feels like it's spinning. ]
She pushed you?! [ Something angry boils inside her. Angry and also- ] —Did y-you- think I was g-gonna... hurt you?
[ Too tired to cover her mouth, the question rushes out. A trembling hand reaches up, too late. ]
Fuck. Sh-shit, I'm sorry. I'm s- sorry, I knnn- I know...
[ No, everything's hurting. A dull pain, like feedback slowly screaming inside her. Because she doesn't know. She's still worried. She's always worried. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-04-22 09:45 pm (UTC)And the worst part?]
No! I mean...I was...I was scared...
[It means he can't stop himself from answering her completely truthfully. It comes out no matter what, and now, well. They're both kinda just stuck with it, sitting on the floor of his room as they are.
For what it's worth, he has the decency to look horrified that he even would have suggested such a thing. Could have implied it. Because Max...it's differnent now. He doesn't feel that way anymore, he trusts her implicitly.
But that doesn't change the fact that that was how he'd felt before.]
It isn't your fault! There was so much going on...a-and I...I'd just gotten here...
[Years of bullying. Years of stress. Being overwhelmed. Thinking he'd potentially died...then being thrust (with good intentions) onto a trip, having Max- a partially changed monster- snap at him. It was a wonder Basil had managed to keep it together, back then.]
It- it's not...it isn't like that, I-
cw: cannibalism
Date: 2023-04-22 10:04 pm (UTC)No, that...
She's still shivering, but a tension present in Max fades away. She can't run from this. Can't do anything but sit here with everything she's been trying to keep inside. ]
I knew. I knew y-you were scared. You l-looked- so t-terrified, and it made me...so angry. [ She squeezes her eyes shut but her damn mouth keeps moving. ] 'Cause I couldn't- I couldn't blame you, 'cause I was- s-so hungry. I wanted to- I kept thinking- it would've been so- easy, I was- so scared I was gonna hurt you.
[ The wheezing's died down. There's still water in her lungs, leftover from the lake, and it makes itself known with just little gasps, born more of the tears running down her face than any futile attempts at breathing.
Her eyes look especially dull when they flick upwards. When she tries to see what sort of face he's making. The light around his horns blurs his expression, especially with her vision hazy as it is right now. ]
cw: cannibalism/self depreciation/brief suicidal ideation
Date: 2023-04-22 10:21 pm (UTC)It would have been so easy. The thought rattles Basil to his very core, despite knowing he has no business to judge Max now for any of it. It's exactly what he thought, when he was stalking humans on the street, seeking prey but lacking the ability to take them out on his own. It's the only thought he had on his mind when he'd attacked Bakugo, trying desperately to rip his flesh from his bones with a fervor he never thought could be possible.
Max is crying, and it hurts to see just as much as it did back in the Pale. And then...the thoughts return.
It's his fault she's upset. If he could have kept his mouth shut, they could have just sat here together in silence. They would have been suffering still, maybe, but at least they would have just had each other for company and nothing more.
Feeling helpless, Basil searches Max's expression for something- anything- he can latch onto, where he might be able to find the words to fix this. Instead, he finds himself glancing over to the shelf, where the secateurs still lay near a potted daisy. He's only forced to look back because it's still watching him, daring him to make a move.]
B-but you didn't! You didn't because you'd never.
[It's easier for Basil to tell a half-truth when it's not about himself, he's suddenly finding. Or...maybe it's because he wholeheartedly believes that.]
I trust you, Max...I do.
cw: self deprecation/abuse logic/victim blaming
Date: 2023-04-22 10:55 pm (UTC)[ How she looks... She looks feverish, honestly. She says this, a shaky whisper, but she makes no attempts to pull away. Can't even be strong enough to stand on her own anymore. ]
I'll- I'm gonna hurt you. I m-may not- I won't mean to. But I'm- I'm not a good person, Basil, I'm- angry, and mean, and- n-nothing made me that way.
[ Something aches behind her eyes. It's not exactly true. But a part of her wholeheartedly believes it. ]
I'm sick. [ What Lucas- Vecna said, parroted, eyes drifting down, away from the blurs she can see into the darkness. ] And- this place is only, it's only gonna m-make me worse, 'til I'm- just as bad as- Billy, or Neil, I'm not- good enough, fo- for any of you.
[ Fervent almost whispers. A limp hand grasps for Basil's tail, nevertheless. She's saying what she believes, but at the same time—don't leave me please don't leave me i can't be alone again
It all makes her sick. She makes herself sick. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-04-22 11:18 pm (UTC)He shakes his head a little, and when Max reaches for his tail, it reacts to her reflexively, the edge of it trying to curl around her wrist. The tip looks so much like a flower, with its long, soft texture that's almost velvet, fur-like.]
I don't care.
[Is what he finally ends up saying, which is- like everything else he's said so far- the truth.]
A bad person...w-wouldn't have helped me and Gladion like you did. Or take me on rides in her car...or make me laugh, when I feel like I don't have anything worth laughing about anymore.
[That much...he can feel confident in saying without the magic stopping him. Because it's all true.]
You...aren't perfect. Maybe you...aren't good, either. But you're not bad.
[Not unfixable, like he is.]
We can just... [A weak sort of derisive smile works its way onto Basil's features, because he's not just talking to Max now, as It watches him over her shoulder.] ...be not good, together.
no subject
Date: 2023-04-22 11:38 pm (UTC)He doesn't care, everything he's seen so far... It outweighs the rest of it.
And though it feels good—the assurance, the reciprocation to her request for physical comfort—
(she hadn't thought it would feel like this. so soft.)
She has to set him straight. If he knew, he wouldn't say that. She just has to explain.
Except she still feels dizzy. Maybe it's worse with her eyes closed, so she blinks them open, even though her head feels too weak to raise. She thinks the non-broken antler's digging into his shoulder. ]
Nn- no, you...
[ Much like Basil, she can't let that stand. ]
Basil... You're not... You're- so nice. And sweet. You...don't even get mad when I- say you're a nerd or, when I'm being just a- total bitch. You aren't- broken.
[ Right? ]
major omori spoilers from here on
Date: 2023-04-23 12:17 am (UTC)He has to protect Sunny. He promised him that everything would be okay.
But Something is still watching him from the corner, as if daring him to continue to try to lie.
Basil's breath suddenly hitches, a painful catch in the back of his throat. He shrinks back slightly, but it isn't Max he's hiding away from. Actually, he's...hiding behind Max, turning his head away, against her shoulder, unable to bear the weight of Something staring into his soul. It's that same corner, always watching, never leaving...]
...t.....there's no way out of this...
[Is there?]
no subject
Date: 2023-04-23 12:56 am (UTC)And it reminds her. The question he'd first asked, do you see it, too?
He's hiding. He's hiding from something, and she'd forgotten.
Max finally summons the strength to lift her head. The flowers on Basil's horns finally aren't blinding her, probably because of the angle. Still, as she tries to see what he cowers from, there's nothing there. ]
Basil...? What...are you hiding from...?
no subject
Date: 2023-04-23 01:14 am (UTC)N-no....no no no....stop- please stop-
[He's whispering, fervently, yet he has not drawn away from Max at all. It's not as if he's telling her to stop. If anything he's curled up even smaller against her. If he was alone, he would have curled up entirely into a ball by now in the hopes that he could block out the noise, but he can't.
It's the noise. It continues, sounding eerily like Sunny playing his violin.
He sucks in another breath, this one sounding like he's heaving, and when he exhales smoke comes with it.]
Everything is going to be okay...everything is going to be okay...
no subject
Date: 2023-04-23 01:21 am (UTC)But right now...
Right now it sounds like it's a more like a noose. ]
Basil? B-Basil- who's- hurting you? [ He's curling up against her. She's still leaning against him to stay upright, but now he's hiding against her, they're leaning on each other, and it really is like the Pale Fog, isn't it?
One hand holds his tail. The other, shaking still, rests against his head. ]
Pl- please... I want to know. I want to help.
[ She can't be anything but truthful right now. ]
cw: suicidal ideation
Date: 2023-04-23 01:35 am (UTC)You're the worst, Basil!]
I'm...I-I'm the worst...
[He breathes, exhaling on a shaking laugh as he draws away from Max. He doesn't move far enough that she won't still be able to hold onto him in some way if she'd like, but he's no longer curled up small against her, trying to keep himself hidden from the world. He leans back on his heels so he can look at her directly, and his eyes...they almost look red, in the light.
For the first time possibly ever, he looks scary, like this.]
Max...if you knew, you'd hate me. You'll hate me.
[The words don't spill from him frantic and unprompted, now. This is something he's apparently thought for a very long time.]
You'll hate me as much as I hate myself. And then...
[...]
Everyone will be gone, again.
[His parents. His friends. Sunny.
He'll be alone, in his room, with only Something to keep him company, urging him to finally put an end to his suffering.]
cw: suicidal ideation
Date: 2023-04-23 02:13 am (UTC)Now, she's stuck staring at his eyes. That's not right.
This isn't right. ]
Wha... [ Her mouth feels dry, which is funny, considering how much lake water she's swallowed today.
If she asks him, he'll have to answer. That thought lays unbidden in the back of her mind. ]
I don't...wanna leave you.
[ Here, huddled on the ground in a dark room, gentle blue glow enveloping them... It feels like Max is back in the attic of the Creel House. There, she ripped herself open voluntarily, and for her troubles Vecna spun her a vision wherein her worst fears came true—that when those she loves most hear what's in her head, they'll reject her.
They'll egg on the pain dragging her down into the depths of her own misery.
Is this like that? Are her and Basil...more similar than she'd realized?
Max holds as firm as she can to his tail. It's not firm at all, and if he wants he could probably pull it free, but still. ]
I... I thought everyone would leave me too. If- if they knew. So... I pushed them. I- pushed all of them away, instead. So...they wouldn't know what kind of person I am. How much [ a swallow of nothing, her lips trembling ] I wa- wanted to die, how much I- prayed for something...terrible to happen to me.
[ It's happening again. That attic, only filled with blue light, where she spilled her guts. Where she died. Even though it feels like she's a step from death again, she's not there. This isn't there. She keeps reminding herself that.
And she keeps talking, more voluntarily than she could've imagined. ]
But if I'd s-said something, sooner, maybe... Maybe it wouldn't've turned out like it did.
[ Bleeding so much she went numb. Eyes white and milky. Unable to even feel Lucas' arms around her. ]
If I'd talked to the- the people who loved me, maybe... I wouldn't've... [ This one she holds in. Because if she says it, it'll derail everything. She bites down on her lip, just staring into his inexplicably frightening eyes, until the wave of pain passes. ]
I want- to stay. I want to- listen. I want to listen to you.
no subject
Date: 2023-04-23 02:25 am (UTC)If he gives it now...it will be over. Even though he's so far from home...he's convinced himself of that fact.
...but then he remembers. There is one other, isn't there? And a promise they'd made.
So many promises. One day, Basil will be so burdened by them that he won't be able to take it anymore. But as the truth dances on the tip of his tongue, he realizes it's his only escape.
For a moment, his eyes dart. Then, he's reaching for Max's free hand, holding it tight in his own. It's warm, but not hot.
He wishes he could talk about something else. About Max...literally anything. But that, too, feels selfish. To focus on someone else's struggles, to try and hide from his own...]
Y...you have to promise me. Promise, you won't tell anyone.
Please.
[He has no more time left, after this. He can't put it off any longer, as the violin screeches through the window, frantic and spiraling.]
no subject
Date: 2023-04-23 02:44 am (UTC)Whenever they're made to her, they always end up being broken.
But right now, as she sits here, she remembers, "Do you accept the risk?" and where it got her, and how in the end she'd do it all again, if she could help her friends.
All of it. ]
I promise. [ She tries to squeeze his hand, but she's too weak. ] I promise, I won't tell.
MAJOR omori spoilers do not pass go do not collect 200, cw: death/suicide/suicidal ideation
From:And Then Max Misinterprets Omori, cw: domestic abuse
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