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polarvoidWELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, CHARACTER NAME/ALIAS. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 018.07.154.55 *** CHARACTER NAME/ALIAS has joined 018.07.154.55 <Daisy>This is Basil! I'm not around right now, but if you leave a message I'll get back to it as soon as I can. <BANNED USER> SCREENED MESSAGE. UNSCREEN? Y/N -- sample for when you ban someone <USERNAME> First sentence of message. <USERNAME> First sentence of message. | ||||
no subject
Date: 2023-04-23 02:44 am (UTC)Whenever they're made to her, they always end up being broken.
But right now, as she sits here, she remembers, "Do you accept the risk?" and where it got her, and how in the end she'd do it all again, if she could help her friends.
All of it. ]
I promise. [ She tries to squeeze his hand, but she's too weak. ] I promise, I won't tell.
MAJOR omori spoilers do not pass go do not collect 200, cw: death/suicide/suicidal ideation
Date: 2023-04-23 03:05 am (UTC)Which means when he tells you his story, you will really keep your promise.
...but that doesn't mean he isn't already crying, before the words leave his mouth. He can't help it, it feels so much like this is going to be the end. Even Katurian, who knows so much, doesn't really KNOW. He doesn't know the full story, and how Basil was the orchestrator of the entire lie.
But even through his tears, Basil speaks, because he couldn't stop himself if he wanted to. He's...not even sure if he's telling this on his own terms, though he wishes he could see it that way. It would make things so much easier.]
Back home...four years ago. I u-used to have a group of friends. We were all really close...and we did everything together. They were...t-the first real friends I ever had, and they meant everything to me.
Sunny and Mari were brother and sister. T-they were going to have a music recital...with Mari playing the piano, and Sunny on the violin. We...we were all supposed to head to the auditorium together, b-but...I decided to hang back to wish them good luck.
I came in through the front door...but I could hear yelling. They were arguing, at the top of the stairs...S-Sunny...he'd thrown his violin onto the ground. It was all broken...
...and. And then he-
[Basil tilts his head up a little, looking past Max once more. The eye bears down on him, and for a moment he fears for his life. If Max wasn't there, he could have stopped this by now.
But he continues, even as the words pitch high in the back of his throat, distorted by his sobbing.]
No. Something pushed her... [He exhales deeply, smoke ekeing its way past his fangs. He feels sick.] And s...she wasn't moving.
I c-couldn't...if I didn't do something, they'd all think Sunny did it. He'd never do something like that! He's a good person!!
[Like they aren't.]
.....I dragged her to the backyard. I...I hung her. It looked just like...like she...
[...]
Something killed Mari.
Something ruined all of my photos.
I didn't say anything...
...I'm scared.
And Then Max Misinterprets Omori, cw: domestic abuse
Date: 2023-04-23 03:42 am (UTC)She said she wanted to, and she does. She promised. She won't break it. She's been handed something so, so precious, and she won't break it. His most vulnerable parts. The things that could destroy him.
Basil looks behind her, and Max almost follows his gaze. Now, however, she's starting to understand.
It's like Billy. A creature got inside Basil's friend, Sunny, and he did things that he would never do.
(It isn't exactly like Billy. Billy still hurt her—but, he wouldn't have tried to kill her. He wouldn't have grabbed for her, screaming about how he would gut her—)
He killed his sister and Basil, out of fear for his friend, covered it up.
Max blinks out tears. She doesn't know what to do. Doesn't know what to say. Everything's coming up blank, except for one thing, as she keeps holding his hand— ]
I... I get it. I understand.
[ She sounds breathless. She feels breathless. She'd forgotten how that felt until today. ]
I don't hate you. I— Basil, I'm...so sorry.
cw: suicidal ideation
Date: 2023-04-23 03:59 am (UTC)He ruined everything. Their wonderful lives, their happiness...
Now Basil is really crying. Not barely restrained, whimpering cries, but full-on, body wracking sobs. He wails, choking on his own breaths because there's nothing left to hide anymore.
He hates how his shoulders feel a bit lighter, having finally told someone, even if it isn't someone who could really do anything about it.]
I h-hate it, Max! It hurts! And n-now...now Sunny is leaving me, he's m-moving away...!
[Away is said with an unusual amount of vitriol that drips from the word, like Basil is incensed at the idea that Sunny could just...leave him, like that. Alone, to carry this burden by himself.]
...b-but maybe...
[...]
If I'm dead...it doesn't m-matter anymore, does it? If I died, it wouldn't matter.
[Basil at this point...has nothing left to give. He has more he could tell her, sure, but this is obviously the big one that's been haunting him. And now he seems smaller than ever, hunched up and shivering as he pulls his wings around himself. And maybe, for the first time, Max will see them.
Eyes, on his wings. Staring up at her.]
cw: suicidal ideation
Date: 2023-04-23 04:23 am (UTC)Max watches Basil sob with wide eyes. She watches him, so completely open for perhaps the first time. Wailing and sobbing in front of her, as she holds his hand, his tail.
And I want you...to make me disappear.
Her confession in that quiet attic. The first time she'd said it out loud. The very first time she acknowledged it, to anyone, to herself, didn't just let it float around in her head.
The blue lights. Back in that quiet attic, now she's the one standing on the sidelines like Lucas, listening. In the vision, Lucas spoke up. He condemned her. It was something he'd never do, but Max fell for it anyway, in her emotional state. Vecna could've spun anything and in the moment, she would've believed it. She was vulnerable. The most vulnerable.
Like Basil is, right now.
Max pulls with what little strength she has on Basil's hand. She wants to pull him into a hug, the tightest one she can manage right now. ]
No. No, no, no it- it matters. It still matters. You still matter.
[ The eyes stare at her. The eyes on his wings. It's terrifying, unnerving.
But it's also dark. With the little light and her own damaged eyes, it's hard to study them.
And what matters most right now is Basil, anyway. What she says to him, in this moment, matters. And her mouth, as it always does, goes without her permission.
Thankfully this time, it doesn't say anything she disagrees with. ]
I'm sorry. I'm so, so so- sorry, but you- you matter. You matter so, so much.
no subject
Date: 2023-04-23 04:39 am (UTC)So when Max settles into that postion all on her own, it's so overwhelming that it's almost too much. Max pulls his hand, and she barely needs to exert any effort now to get Basil to move. He practically falls into her arms- though not so much as to knock them both over- his own wrapping unconsciously around her because it's what he needs, right now. The compulsion to bare everything has worn him down and exhausted every terrible thought, leaving him feeling hollow like he's been scooped out.
You matter.
Basil's grip is weak, but he holds onto Max in return. He hugs her, and though he can still see It in the corner, he's able to more easily ignore its presence watching him as they kneel on the floor together. She's...so cold, and normally that might be more of a problem, but Basil's heat balances it out. Between the two of them, somehow, they make up one normal body.]
...I d-don't deserve you.
[He suddenly whispers, his head laying gently against her shoulder now.]
A-all that stuff...you said...
[Basil shakes his head a little, tail curving around the both of them.]
Y-you've proven it wrong.
cw: domestic violence, homicidal ideation-ish, car crashes, abuse logic
Date: 2023-04-23 05:34 am (UTC)No. No, I'm... I'm still- n-not a good person.
[ He's so warm. So, so warm and he's wrapped around her sick, aching body. Max's own tail, laying limp, curls to a spiral. ]
You remember, don't you? In the...the fog. I know you- heard him. My stepfather- my...ex stepfather.
[ Screaming on the other side of the door, letting her brother die.
Max blinks away tears. ]
I wanted him to die. [ Her voice wavers, but she continues. ] My brother. I... I prayed...f-for him to...for horrible things to happen to him. I- imagined it. I imagined him- crashing my- his c-car, and never- ever coming home again, 'cause I thought- it'd be better.
[ A horrible pit in her stomach. Her legs, sprawled out to the side so she's not putting weight on them, shake and tremble, prompting more red moss to slither out. ]
It wasn't. It made- everything so, so much worse, and I- he saved us and I wanted to- I stood there and watched and he- s-said he was sorry and I k-kept- begging him to wake up, I w-wanted him to die, I wanted it bu- but I didn't. I didn't!
[ Her admission and insistence break into sobs, like those in the Pale Fog. Crying onto his shoulder, body hitching. Basil explained, as best he could, but Max can't even begin to. The Mindflayer, Vecna, all of it. ]
cw: domestic violence/depression/suicide
Date: 2023-04-23 05:56 am (UTC)It's terrible, all of it. Especially when Basil can't...blame Max for thinking like that. He's no stranger to his thoughts going to incredibly terrifying and dark places. Even back when he was 12, and somehow knew how to perfectly tie a noose using a jumprope. Max, it seems, struggles with the very same. Not just terrible thoughts turned inwards, but those turned out as well.
Her explanation of events is fragmented and a little confusing, but even without the full context, Basil is able to piece it together. Her stepbrother died...and Max feels that she could have done more to save him, or anything at all, but didn't. She's struggling to cope with that fact.
She wanted it, but she didn't. Not really.
And as she battles between the two ideas, Basil tightens his grip on her. He renews his hold, realizing that this awful magic isn't going to stop tearing them open until they've got nothing left to be unraveled.]
M-Max...
[He turns his head away from the corner, instead looking at the side of her head. He can feel her antler knocking into his horns, the way it's drip-dripping against the top of his head. He doesn't care that it is.]
You're not a bad person. A-and...if I can still matter, after what I did...then so can you.
[His claws squeeze her tighter, yet they manage to stay gentle regardless.]
Y-you...you were hurting. Suffering. Just because you thought those things...even if you meant them. It doesn't m-mean you're bad. It doesn't make it your fault.
You...you didn't do anything wrong.
[That, he says with conviction.]
cw: mild emeto
Date: 2023-04-23 06:45 am (UTC)"You ever have thoughts like that about me?"
"Normal people don't fantasize about killing other people, Max."
"I thought you were getting better. But you're not, are you? You are sick."
The lie's all she's had, and overtime, it's become her one and only truth. Her single reference point for how someone would react. It was what she feared. It's started to paste over what experience and logic dictate Lucas would've said—that it was okay. That she'd been through so much. That he didn't hate her.
It's just what Basil's saying now.
Max cries so hard it hurts. So hard her useless organs ache inside her. She tries shaking her head, but she's trembling. She's shivering too hard to do much but sob until she starts to cough.
And...keep coughing. She worries for a moment she's going to cough until she breaks apart. Wouldn't that be awful, literally crumbling in Basil's arms, dying again literally on top of someone she cares about?
It turns out it's not that, however, and she realizes with only moments to move, very suddenly starting to shove Basil away. It may look like she's rejecting his comfort, but that's not it, truly!
She's merely trying to put some distance between them so she doesn't cough the water that's been stuck in her lungs up onto his shoulder. ]
Agh— cr- crap—
no subject
Date: 2023-04-23 03:52 pm (UTC)There is so much more that the music could compel him to talk about. His complicated relationship with Sunny. His fears about losing everything back home. His near constant worry that something is going to happen to his Grandma, leaving him truly alone. But before any of it can be tempted to rise to the surface, he feels Max shudder against him, coughing violently. He still doesn't know what happened to her out at Lake Fors, only able to guess at why she stumbled in all wet and injured. It could mean anything, in Ryslig, they just hadn't really had a proper chance to talk about it.
It isn't until Max abruptly pulls away and starts to cough up water that Basil feels truly alarmed, and...despite Max and her best efforts to push him away, he's already trying to get close again, reaching gently for her shoulders.]
Oh...oh no- Max! Max, are you okay!?
cw: hypnosis, drowning
Date: 2023-04-23 09:55 pm (UTC)If... I try and say yeah... I think the freaking violin's gonna cave my freaking skull in. [ Grimacing and blinking out tears from this time the force of her body expelling what was left in her lungs, Max raises her head to look at Basil. ] I- I was trying to help. I wanted to make the music stop, but...
[ Voice scratchy, she starts to explain... And she shakes her head. ]
I'm- really, really glad you weren't out there. The song...changed. It...made people try and throw themselves into Lake Fors.
no subject
Date: 2023-04-23 11:02 pm (UTC)I-...is that what...?
[It explains why she came stumbling into his room, soaked and waterlogged. She'd tried to go into Lake, and...she said she was trying to help, right?
Well, the how and why of it doesn't matter right now. Basil is overwhelmed- they both are, for different reasons- but none of that is going to mean anything if Max dies. He doesn't care that she's undead; he knows that doesn't mean anything here.]
Are...are you cold? M-maybe I can warm you up...
[He knows Max is cold as a baseline, and getting her too hot would be a detriment, but...]
cw: cannibalism
Date: 2023-04-24 06:55 am (UTC)And then she straightens a little bit, wiping her mouth with her arm. ] Oh, like— Um, s-sure. I...actually am, kind of cold.
[ For a second it sounded like some kind of line—but like, sincere, because even after all this Max can't think of Basil as not sincere. At least not with his emotions. But then her brain catches up with her, and she gets it. ]
I think really I just- I need to get dry. And... [ She winces. ] Probably eat something.
[ Max wonders if she's going to start growing the moss again soon. Maybe over the injuries on her legs. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-04-24 10:33 pm (UTC)But this is more important than how he feels about it. This is about Max, and thus it takes priority. That, and...honestly, they probably should both eat something, but fortunately the Palazzo is well stocked with their kind of fare that's easier to stomach than...well. You know.
For right now though, Basil sits back on his haunches again, bringing his hands between them. He's very, very careful not to touch Max as he holds them- palm up- and just...sits there, seemingly. And for a few minutes, nothing seems to happen.]
C-come on...please...
[But after some effort on Basil's part...the insides of his hands start to glow a hotter red, like a little warm heater placed between them.]
L...let me know if it gets too hot, okay? I'll stop.
no subject
Date: 2023-04-25 05:19 am (UTC)This moment... They're nothing alike. But the focal point draws the comparison, as they're about the same distance apart, and in the minutes she's waiting, she's utterly silent. It's only the way her eyes flicker from Basil's hands to his face that indicates she's not just a still corpse. She's just about to say that it's okay—he doesn't have to, they can just find some fans—
And then his palms glow, like a space heater. Her eyes widen a little, as she can feel the water sunken into her skin start to dry. ]
H... Holy shit. [ Max sounds breathless again. Perhaps it's just because she sounds so soft and scratchy with her sickly, slightly feverish appearance. ] You've b-been...practicing, haven't you?
[ She's been terrified of getting too warm. Ever since getting literally burned and how badly her body reacted, she's been so scared. But, she doesn't feels scared right now. If she did, she couldn't hold it back, would be blabbing without a second thought. But she's not.
It makes her want to reach out and hold his hand. She won't, because that would be dangerous. But she wants to. ]
Thank you.
no subject
Date: 2023-04-26 02:45 am (UTC)And so, his hands glow with warm light between them, and it's very much like sitting beside a space heater during the winter. He is so, so very thankful that this seems to be doing her good, and not hurting her...if Basil weren't feeling so miserable, he'd probably smile.]
U-uh huh...a little.
["A little" is an understatement. He's just glad that, for once since he changed, he can utilize this form for something...good. Not just for himself, but for someone else.
MOSTLY for someone else.]
When...when you're warm, a-and not wet anymore...we need to look at your legs. Okay?
[He's...really worried. Max was bleeding- well, "bleeding"- a lot when she stumbled in here, and the fact she can't even stand is even worse.]
no subject
Date: 2023-04-28 12:06 am (UTC)She shifts a little, gaze drawn to her useless legs. They aren't leaking sludge or moss anymore, but her wounds are still there, bite marks of varying sizes, holes ripped in her jeans and dead flesh removed. ]
Yeah- yeah, okay. [ A small shiver, not because of the flashes of cold that run through her body, but because she can feel her mouth opening again and— ] We can just- wrap them. There's no fixing them completely.
[ She grimaces in frustration and looks away, tongue heavy like lead. ]
Shit, don't- just forget about that.
cw: drowning ment
Date: 2023-04-28 02:15 am (UTC)Her heart doesn't beat anymore. She can't get warm.
But he can. He can.
So he keeps his hands close, not so close he could burn her, but close enough to help her get warm. Warm, and dry. He doesn't comment on what she says about her legs, because he understands. He just tilts his head a bit, his ears drooping.]
...I know.
[Is what he eventually mutters, because...well. The truth spills from him freely, especially now that he isn't trying to fight it anymore. Why bother? He's...tired. Hollowed out, and empty. There's nothing more he could say, save for...
He blinks his eyes hard a few times, taking a slow breath.]
B-but...it would feel better.
cw: internalized ableism (re: chronic pain and disability) coming up
Date: 2023-04-28 05:48 am (UTC)What? But I—
[ And her brain catches up with her. Realizes, what he must have thought she meant, and drops her eyes. Her body feels very heavy now, as what she doesn't want to say slips out. ]
No you don't. [ It's very quiet. Very reluctant and very wet. ] You- you don't know. No one does.
[ Her arms wrap around her. She keeps trying to clamp her mouth shut, but it won't. It just won't. At least it has the decency to be quiet, even though she still sounds so...damaged. ]
I- I wasn't- talking about what happened today, Basil. It's not because I'm dead that they don't work right.
[ Max feels herself seize up. That's the first time she... ]
no subject
Date: 2023-04-28 06:12 am (UTC)Basil is quiet. He doesn't...understand what she means. For the first time since all of this started, he's left feeling legitimately confused, like they've misunderstood each other somehow. Or, no...Basil has misunderstood something Max has said.
And once again, Max doesn't...stop talking, even when Basil is pretty sure she would have if she could. It would make him feel guilty for it being forced from her, if they hadn't already spent so much time together on the floor doing exactly this for...what feels like it must be hours, at this point.
His expression shifts to one of concern. He can't help it, it's...worrying. His ears- previously perked- droop low now over his shoulders as he leans just a little closer, trying to look at Max's face. The light flickers oddly off it now due to the glow of his own hands, red mixed with blue. In this light...she somehow manages to look alive and dead at the same time.]
...Max. What's wrong?
no subject
Date: 2023-04-28 07:34 am (UTC)Come on. You- you have t-to...have noticed. I g-get tired easily. I always need to- to lean. Haven't you seen how my- my legs shake? My arms?
[ Maybe she's hyperaware of it. Of how different it is now. ]
Before, I— [ She blinks, eyesight blurring. Her voice shakes. ] Something...happened to me.
[ A jolt of pain, and she starts to curl in on herself. ]
—I-I died! [ And just like that, the pain recedes. ] I was- k-killed, and the- the injuries- something...saved me, it- restarted my heart but the injuries, they didn't—
[ She feels sick. She squeezes her eyes shut. ]
They hurt. My l-legs, and- my arms, and m-my eyes, they- They n-never stopped- they always hurt!
cw: cannibalism mention, hallucination
Date: 2023-04-29 12:03 am (UTC)But Max doesn't just leave it to speculation anymore. She explains, and Basil feels his breath catch painfully in his throat. For a moment, his heartbeat shudders to a terrified stop.]
...y...you...?
[I died. I was killed.
Basil reflexively looks into the corner again, and...it's there, as ever. He only spares the presence a passing glance before he's looking back at Max again, his vision still consumed by the soft light between them, and now...the way she curls up small, as if trying to escape the reality of her existence.
...so that's why. Max, returning to life, only to be...
Basil swallows weakly around the lump in his throat. She's always hurting. All the time, those times she would stumble and fall, or struggle to keep going, she was...]
M...max...
[I'm so sorry, he wants to say, but saying so feels like it would be a slap in the face. But he isn't sure...what else to tell her. There's nothing that could make it better...nothing that will make her pain go away.
So instead? At least for the moment, he says nothing. But that doesn't mean he will do nothing.
He'll stop, if she pulls away. If she shows any sign of being afraid of it, or hurting. But...if Max allows it?
Basil will reach for and take her hands. Ever so gently, holding them within his own, which are still glowing softly with heat. It's probably quite warm for Max, but in a sort of...taking a hot shower warm kind of way. It's not burning her.]
cw: self-loathing, internalized ableism, panic attacks
Date: 2023-04-29 07:13 am (UTC)Her lungs feel like something's squeezing them as little gasps start to build in her. Breathing be damned, it's just uncomfortable. Her head's spinning, suddenly warm in ways that have nothing to do with Basil's warmth. Her eyes feel wet, is she really crying again, is this really what she's doing right now, is she really this pathetic—
Warmth.
Warmth, like a heated blanket. Like a cup of soup on a cold day. Like a spring California night, walking under the pier, right before it'd get too hot and stifling.
All centered around her hands, stiff and tense in her lap.
Max's head whips up, her eyes snap open, and she looks into Basil's eyes, tears falling from her own. She's still small, and she's still vulnerable. But what he looks back at her with...
It doesn't feel like pity.
Before, she'd pulled him into a hug for his own sake. Because she felt that Basil needed—deserved that sort of physical comfort. Now, it's for her own that she pitches forward to lean her forehead against his shoulder, her fingers uncurling from their almost claw-like position and slipping between his, so that he doesn't let go. Her broken antler swings from the sudden motion, dripping bloody velvet onto his floor, and her whole one probably presses into the side of his head.
But, for the first time since she was pulled from the water, Max has stopped shivering. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-04-29 11:35 pm (UTC)It's cruel. It feels like the Fog must have done it to her on purpose, just how Basil felt his fire must have been given to him as a curse, to ruin the plants he loves so dearly.
But right now? For once...Basil doesn't see it as a curse. If anything, he's glad that he has it, because if he didn't, he wouldn't be able to help Max. It...feels like the first time he's really been able to properly help anyone.
He felt like he was helping, back then. But it also felt like the only option. He hadn't been given a choice...
Basil keeps his hands loose so Max can slip her fingers between his claws before he curves them gently around her hands, keeping the warmth between both of them. He'd be hugging her if he had access to his arms, but the way she leans against him is contact enough, he figures. He tilts his head slightly, leaning his head against hers, heedless to the way her antler presses against his scales.]
...everything is going to be okay, Max.
[He eventually murmurs, his voice a whisper.]
T-this...isn't fair. But it doesn't make you...any less you. You're still Max.
no subject
Date: 2023-04-30 08:07 am (UTC)That he'd hear it all. Everything, and still offer such a simple and kind gesture as holding her hands. It means more than any words could. It means more than Max could even try to understand or explain. ]
I n-never even...admitted it to- to myself. [ Quiet, almost whispered right into his collar between wet gasps. ] But...if I'm s- saying it now...it's gotta be true, right? I- I'm never...never getting better.
[ Her tears, impossibly warm for her but still cold for anyone with a heartbeat, soak into his clothes and scales as she gives up on swallowing down any of this. On instinct, her body tries to take in more air, because she's lightheaded from distress and that's what used to work. What results is Max's turn at a full-body sob, shaking and clutching Basil's hands tighter.
Right against him like this, Basil may feel Max's forehead, starkly and noticeably warmer than the rest of her from an inexplicable fever. ]
(no subject)
From:cw: nonconsensual surgery/medical horror mentions
From:cw: death/panic attack mention
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From:cw: gore, corpse desecration????
From:Omori spoilers, cw: gore/cannibalism mention
From:cw: cannibalism, corpse decay mentions
From:cw: corpse decay
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From:cw: drowning adjacent descriptions
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From:cw: drowning, suicide mentions
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From:cw: postmortem decay
From:cw: cannibalism
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From:cw: cannibalism cont
From:cw: cannibalism cont, suicidal imagery
From:Omori spoilers, cannibalism
From:corpse decaying, cannibalism
From:cw: extreme cannibalism/blood/gore/disassociation
From:cw: hypnosis/domestic violence/euthanasia/lost time/dissociation/body horror/cannibalism
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From:cw: corpse decay, mild cannibalism. how can cannibalism be mild.
From:HOW CAN CANNIBALISM BE MILD
From:cw: MILD CANNIBALISM BC WE'RE MENTIONING THAT SHE ATE PEOPLE BUT NOT BEING EXPLICIT ABT IT???? IDK
From:SHIT u right tho, Omori spoilers, cw: cannibalism
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