polarvoid | Inbox for ryslig

[When Max comes by, Basil is in bed. He's curled up on his side, not sleeping even though he technically could...but instead he just lays there, feeling. Pretty damn bad, actually.

It's been a rough couple days. Between the new changes and all of the trouble that's been causing, Basil has felt a bit...isolated, to put it simply. Back home that was an intentional thing- he isolated himself on purpose- but here? He really feels it, when he's alone. And...Sunny's continued behavior notwithstanding, it's hard for Basil to not notice that Max- the one person who has been with him in his corner this whole time- has been...or at least it feels like she's been avoiding him. Not completely ignoring him outright, but there have been times when she's definitely brushed him off, or opted to go someplace on her own when Basil might have come along with.

He doesn't feel like he needs to be with her all the time, or even some of the time. They're often apart, doing their own thing...but...he doesn't know how to explain it. It's just been different, and it hurts especially now that he's stuck in this deer body, craving the social aspect and yet not having an outlet.

Did he do something wrong? Was his behavior at Shoyo's party finally too much? Did Max realize that he's...he's just...

He grips his pillow harder, curling up around it with his face pressed against it. He lays there like that for a long time, almost long enough to completely space out, when the sudden knock on his door startles him into sitting up immediately.]

...Max?

[It's scary. It's the same thing she'd said the day that awful violin poured into his bedroom and smothered them both. Yet, that doesn't stop him from all but tumbling out of bed, tripping over his own root-feet in his haste to get to the door and open it.]

I-I'm here- [He breathes, and- oh- he can't forget that she is the one who is a Gargoyle now. The sight of her is enough to almost take his breath away, his ears drooping over his shoulders.] What's wrong, did something happen...?

[ Max hasn't wanted to be apart from Basil. Not really, and especially not so abruptly. But she knows about Faeries, about the problems with being a Fae, and since her talk with Giorno, how...intense she's been feeling about Basil has been on the forefront of her mind.

At first, she thought maybe, just maybe not having the deer instincts and deer body would mean it cools off some.

But imagine her surprise when it doesn't.

She's not driven by the urge to groom and frolic, no. But the sight of Basil makes her chest hurt, makes the mouth on her chest want to scream out a confession. It pumps through her, the feelings leaving her dizzy, and—

And afraid. Say she decides to tell him, to...let him know her feelings. Max doesn't want that to be because of some fucking stupid side-effect of magic nonsense or a transformation. Not again.

Combine that with the fear of losing control of her fire abilities, something she's been having an increasing amount of trouble with, as her hunting instincts scream at her, well. It's a bit much, for a teenage crush, and it leaves her almost exhausted when she sees him.

But when the question arises of who she can ask for help with this, there's no other thought in her head. The best person to go to is Basil. The one who understands this best. Who she feels understands her best, especially about the hunger and the dark thoughts inside her.

So. She needs him. Is it a coincidence that the truth compulsion resulted in the same statement, months apart? Or...is it the rawest expression of her feelings? ]

There was a- there's ghosts and one— it doesn't matter, it's- I-I need to hunt. [ It sounds like she's in pain, from just how much she's been trying to push it down. ] I need...to hunt, a-and-

[ She's terrified. Both of the act, and of the thought of doing it alone. ]

Max...Max!

[Basil reaches out, quite literally without thinking in this moment, to try and take one of Max's hands between his own. Just like how Max reached a point where she didn't think about Basil's fire, didn't worry about whether or not he'd lose control and burn her...it's the same here, except Basil is maybe being a touch more reckless knowing that Max has not had powers like these before, and could very easily set him ablaze without realizing she'd done it. But as she talks rapidly, words overlapping and getting away from her, he realizes that he has to do something to ground her, even for just a moment.

Taking her hand, holding it...it's the first thing he thinks of. It's what he would have done with Sunny, back then.

In the few seconds that follow, he takes a moment to process what she just said to him. Ghosts- that part doesn't matter, even if it doesn't make sense- but hunt. Needing to hunt.

She needs to...

For a moment, Basil's eyes dart over Max's face, her snout, her fins, her horns. She is even more dragon-like as a Gargoyle than Basil ever was, and he knows...he knows what that means for her. It means that if the hunger has come for her, there will be no fighting back against the instincts it comes with. If Basil hadn't gone to Komaeda...

He gives her claws a little squeeze, despite how much larger they feel in his hands now that he's lost his own.]

I-it's going to be okay. You're going to be okay.

[Look at him. Breathe.]

We...we've got time. We...

[God. Time, but not much of it. He's gone hunting now multiple times out of necessity, but never has he done so without the drive.

Unlike Max.]

[ A side-effect of being able to breathe again after not needing to for so long is... Well, Max sometimes forgets her body needs it. Especially so when she's panicked. Basil's grounding grasp stops her in her tracks, therefore, and it prompts her to gasp in air. Her wings hanging from her extra arms wrap around her, as if she's enveloping herself in a hug, while her claws—the had Basil has taken between his own and her other, shaking and hanging free—grip tightly onto Basil like he's a life preserver keeping her from drifting out to sea.

What she can't explain—what she doesn't know the explanation for—is that the need to see Basil was compounded by the Dyster ghost. It left her with an incredible feeling of hunger, comparable to her normal state as a Waldgeist, and an unbearable emotional emptiness. Her heart convinced that everything and everyone was lost to her. Max doesn't understand it, just knew that all of a sudden she had to go, had to leave, and...

And see Basil.

Even as she's terrified that she'll burn him up just by touch. Terrified that the predator in her will look at the prey animal that he is and want to rip him apart.

Neither happens. The sight, feel, the very scent of him at least calms her enough to breathe. ]

...You'll...go with me? [ Of course. Of course, it's barely a question, but...an expression of relief. ] Thank you- I'm sorry, I- I really wanted to...to hold on, but.

[ A shake of her head, fins, shrinking down. ]

[Basil can only imagine how Max must feel right now. Back when she was so hurt and needed to feed, she was forced to wait alone while Basil went out and hunted for her, on her behalf. He had to go out there and kill someone for her, regardless of whether or not he would have had to do it anyway, or if he'd already done it before. It meant that, for all of Basil's hunts thereafter, Max had helped him. She'd been there to support him.

How could he turn her away now, after all of that?

He shakes his head a little, not quite cutting her off but instead reaffirming what he's already implied.]

There's no way I'd make you go by yourself.

[This isn't even a question. Of course, he doesn't yet realize just how he's going to feel once they actually get out there and find themselves a target. This is going to be uncharted territory for Basil. He has never once felt hunger without the urge and drive to kill accompanying it. It's really...one of the main reasons he's been able to go through with any of it at all.]

A-and...don't try to hold on. Not when you start feeling like this. ...please, trust me.

[He will never forget the way he felt, when he attacked Bakugo. When the Harpy had to force some of his own flesh on Basil just to get him to stop rampaging.

That's a feeling Basil wouldn't wish on his worst enemy. Certainly not Max.]

[ But she didn't want to ask. She didn't want to, she didn't want to admit she needed help, but the damn Faerie has ruined her. It's destroyed her ability to evade concern, to keep from spilling everything out of her.

It's even more at the forefront, being around Basil, because she's actively keeping something secret.

Right now, however, she's too focused on how much she wants to tear something apart with her claws. How much she wants to tear into something. How much...she wants to... She doesn't know, like...drain...someone... She's read over and over about energy feeders, which Fae are, but she can't conceptualize it. At least fucking cannibalism is easy to comprehend, there's a thousand horror stories, she's seen The Hills Have Eyes at a horrendously young age, she understands the very simple mouth eat flesh.

Her claws, right now, quivering, hold Basil's, and she doesn't want to let go. But she also doesn't want to hurt him. She-

She ends up going in circles, just nodding along with him and not fighting on it. ]

How- how soon, can you...?

[How soon? Well...it's not like he was really doing anything other than laying in bed waiting for all of this to be over. Which isn't particularly productive, nor is trying to prolong the inevitable. Basil knows that.

No amount of asking for help, or stalling this by eating something hunted for them, is going to work in this case. He knows how it feels to need to rip into something alive, and it's......

Basil looks down for a moment, at the way Max is gripping his hands and how they shake, much like his own had when he first changed into a Waldgeist. Amazingly, he isn't shaking right now. Because he's settling into a very grimly familiar mindset, one that took him over in a moment of crisis four years ago.

He has to take control here. He will help her, just like he helped him.]

Right now. We need to go.

Now? [ Her voice catches, and Max hates that it's not just from fear, but excitement.

She doesn't want to feel excited about this. It hurts to. Like poisonous anticipation.

And then she nods, and pulls Basil along by the hand, down the hall, heading for the stairs. ]

It's- gonna be kind of weird this time— [ She says, as if any time she's accompanied him on his hunts has been not weird. ] I have these things, rings of mushrooms, and- we have to...get someone to them, before I can...finish it. At least, that's how Faeries work.

[Basil understands how Max must be feeling...what she must be thinking. If given the choice, if they could stall and push off the inevitable? Basil knows he would be tempted to wait, too. But if Max is already far gone enough to be asking to go hunt, then waiting would just make things worse.

The last thing he wants is for her to wind up stuck the same way he'd been. Starving, confused...unable to control himself.

So he lets Max lead him from his room, the door remaining ajar as they step through the hallway. Basil's footsteps feel painfully loud to his own ears compared to normal, rhythmically hollow thunks of wood like someone walking with a cane.]

We can do that.

[If it's what Max needs, then they have to. Whether it be through coercion, or fear, or even just chasing someone into it...he supposes he'll understand and have a better idea once he actually sees one of Max's rings for himself.]

It'll have to be somewhere wooded, then...

[ Max almost takes the stairs two at a time—before remembering Basil's precarious branch legs, which have her so angry to think about, after Flatwoods, and she thinks if she ever meets who's responsible for this fucking mess, she'd just—

She noticeably slows, taking care as they descend the staircase. Her hand still shakes in his. ]

Maybe- one of the parks? If... I think I read something about the rings able to like...teleport, so...we could get there. Fast.

[ Fast. It has to be fast.

It feels weird to volunteer a place in Bavan itself, not just on the outskirts. It's easier to bring what isn't eaten back if the hunt happens further out. Hell, it's weird not to be heading for her car, as usually she parks it a distance away, so they can wrap up the leftovers and shove them in the trunk.

But even though Max is part Gargoyle, this isn't like Basil hunts. It can't be. She knows it in her bones, even though she doesn't know what it will look like. ]

[Okay, the suggestion to hunt in Bavan is more than a little nervewracking, yes. Not just because they typically stick to more secluded locations, where they can pick someone off away from prying eyes as well as closer to home, but because Basil's first hunt was somewhere in Bavan alongside Komaeda. Admittedly, he remembers very little about a lot of that day. He'd been to the point of near-starvation before he finally caved and did something about it, disappearing to stay with him for several days to take care of it in a way that would keep his housemates safe. It mean Basil had to choose a target in the form of some sort of petty criminal on Bavan's inner streets in the dead of night, and...

It hadn't been pretty. What little details he does recall have stuck vividly in his mind. The way his chosen prey seemed to stand out like a cut-out comic panel against the broken-up, staggered lights dotted all along the city streets. Those lights lit up their bloodied skin in almost neon relief, leaving Basil himself half shrouded in darkness as he tore them limb from limb near effortlessly. It wasn't something he should have been able to do, but he could do it...without question, without thinking.

He'd feasted on some hapless stranger's charred flesh until he could handle no more, and to this day he wonders if it would have felt different had he chosen someone different. He's chosen to take that life, and that...wasn't something you could undo.

Back to the present, Basil tries to keep his focus on Max, who clearly isn't doing well. She's still shaking beside him as they very slowly make their way down the stairs one at a time, with Basil having to take extra care to make sure his feet don't slip out from underneath him.]

That...that could work.

[He doesn't know how they work, exactly, but if it's some kind of monster magic then it's going to be innate. Max may know how to already, and she just doesn't realize it because she hasn't actually tried yet.]

I can- [Ah. His throat is dry. But it's never not dry, like this, and it makes every plant on his body strain in frustration.] -I...I can find somebody to lure, if there's nobody already there.

[So Max doesn't have to make that choice.]

[ Basil's been tightlipped about that first hunt. Max knows he went to stay with Komaeda (and has since put together that Nagito and Komaeda are one in the same after solidly not getting it for like a month), that he was gone for a few days, and he came back and...that's when she found him, out by the forest line, huddled in a tree.

For obvious reasons, he hasn't spoken of it. And Max hasn't asked, not wanting to push or pry. Besides the hunt he did specifically for her...she's been there for each one after. If and only if he wants to tell her, he can. They've had enough of their traumas and secrets dredged up by this place.

Her dragon feet touchdown on hardwood floor just as Basil suggests...that. And Max tightens her grip on his hand. ]

...I can't ask you to do that.

[It would be good for Basil, mentally, to talk about it. Ever since that first hunt, he's hunted...and hunted...and hunted, and hasn't really been able to properly deal with each subsequent death he's forced into. All he knows is that each one remains on his conscience, and he's counted them all. It's not so easy as just having a meal and forgetting about it the next day.

As they step off the staircase onto the main floor, Basil's ears flick up and forward when he feels Max change her grip on his hand. He had a feeling she might say that...and really, it's hard to argue. There's definitely a part of him that wants to concede immediately and let Max deal with it, while the side of him that's trying to keep the burden off her wants anything but.]

I know. But...one of us has to, right?

[And if that's true, then why not let it be him? He's already done it so many times now.

Even before coming here.]

[ Yes. Yeah, that's...true, but— ]

I-I can...do some...weird hypnosis thing, I...think. I mean, in theory.

[ She hasn't tried any of her Fae powers, essentially. Not a single one. Which is...probably bad. ]

Let me try, okay? And...if it starts going...bad, then...

[...he'll take it from there. Right.

Basil sighs, realizing that he's probably not going to be able to convince Max otherwise on this one. But there's only so much he wants to press her on right now, so...he inclines his head, ears drooping a little.]

Okay. You can try.

[If it works, then maybe this will be a bit more painless than the alternative. After all, Basil had no such powers as a Gargoyle. The best he could hope for was to make a death as quick and painless as possible...but if someone could be hypnotized, unaware of what was going on...

Well. He won't think too hard about it now.]

Let's just get there first...for now.

[ Max very shakily nods, her jaws slightly open and her mouth- god, it's watering. He's right, they have to just go.

She pulls him along. She'll have to do this. She does not want to force him to do this. She can't.

All the while, Max snaps her mouth shut, because she's terrified she'll blurt out something else, something too vulnerable and too soft and too honest, something like i would rather die again than make you do that, which is dangerously dangling on the tip of her forked tongue.

Her faerie ring is off to the side of the Palazzo, around where the halfpipe Max started and still has not completed sits under a tarp. It really is just a ring of mushrooms, oddly conspicuous on the ground. ]

Okay, uh. I've never done this before, so... Hold on tight.

[ Like she'd even let him let go in the first place.

Max steps into the faerie ring, leading Basil with her, and after a few hazy seconds—

They're standing near Libeccio, in the city itself. ]

[Basil honestly isn't sure what to expect as he follows Max outside into the cool evening air, the chill of apprehension settling like icy claws in his chest. He doesn't even have any reason to breathe right now to calm himself, his body unnaturally still as they make their way. It's almost too calm out here tonight, too quiet for what they're planning on doing, to the point where he might not have even noticed the ring of mushrooms if Max hadn't led him directly to it. Odd, being a Nymph, that it ever would have missed his notice.

Still, they both move to stand within the ring, and for a brief moment nothing seems to happen.

Then, Basil blinks, and they're in a new location entirely. This is enough to actually startle him into taking a reflexive breath, wobbling for a second on precarious legs before he manages to catch himself to stay upright, ears perked high by his antlers as he looks ahead at Libeccio in the distance.]

W-woah...

[Max...was not kidding when she said she could teleport.]

[ Basil stumbles, and it's reflexive as Max steadies him. She hasn't let go of his hand, after all. ]

Easy, easy.

[ Even though she's not exactly quick on her feet either...it's hard to feel anything but the bloodlust inside her. Gosh, he's so close, close enough that she could clamp her jaws around his neck—

Okay. Now she feels woozy. And now, only now, does she let go of Basil's hand. ]

P- park, there's- one shouldn't be too far, I- I think?

[ She's turned around and slightly panicked. Worried that if this is how she's reacting to another monster, that if she sees any human, it'll be just like that day by the lake, and she'll strip someone to the bone. ]

[While Basil may not know the exact context of what Max is thinking right now, he can...guess it, easily. When he's hungry, he becomes more aggressive towards humans as a general rule. He's noticed it, how he'll get impatient and irritable with people when before that was never an issue, even to the point where he might literally growl or snap at passerby if they get too close. Most don't take him too seriously, while others know better than to press a riled monster no matter their size or appearance.

Once they're both steady and Max has let his hand go, Basil takes the iniative to see where they are. He recognizes Libeccio, obviously, which means he can easily map out a path straight to the park from here.]

I know which way to go. Follow me, okay?

[It would be a lot easier if they could both fly, but their positions have been reversed as far as that goes. Hoofing it will just have to do.]

[ Of course he would know the way to the nearest park. There's an idle thought in Max's mind, one she can barely hold on to, wondering if it's because he's part Nymph right now, or...if he just knows because it's the sort of place he likes. It's something that she'd ask him, were she not focusing all her self-control on keeping from pouncing at the next passerby.

She simply nods, jaws clamped shut, and follows Basil. She's too worried to even speak now. ]

[It's hard to say whether it's better or worse that Basil doesn't say anything either as they go. It's hard to really come up with casual conversation to be having when they're heading en-route to murder someone, though, so maybe it's for the best they don't talk. It's just a straight shot mostly from here to the park, which Basil knows very well given the fact it was the first place he retreated to when he first got to Ryslig and could be alone for a while.

It's comforting, in that way, just as much as it feels wrong to be going there for this purpose. He doesn't allow himself to falter though, not slowing even as the park entrance comes into view.]

[ The unfortunate park of all of this: The park is very quiet.

There are a few factors there, it's night, it's a fog night, specifically—but when they arrive at the park and Max can't smell any humans around, nor see or hear any sign of conflict. ]

...Crap. [ She fiddles. Claws tapping and curling, eyes on the ground— ] Okay. Okay, I can- here, um.

[ Her shaking hands extend, and the mouth on her collarbone tenses. After a moment, a perfect ring of mushrooms sprouts, just in front of them, a little into the park. ]

Just have to get s- someone here, and it's fine. So- so, I'll see if I can find...someone nearby.

[ They tend to go for criminals. "Criminals," a shorthand for—a person causing trouble. Max lays awake sometimes thinking about it, wondering if the times they've gone on hunts, few as they have been, they've targeted someone in the midst of a misunderstanding.

It's ultimately better for her than going after whoever's close. Whoever's nearby, like near the lake. If she can pretend, maybe...

It sucks to justify it. But it's normal for her thoughts to go in that direction. So it might as well suck a little goddamn less, and if she sees some asshole harassing a woman on the street, someone pulling a gun on some unassuming people—she'll go for it.

...They'll go for it. ]

That sounds- does that sound right?

[ Like a hamster running in a wheel, Max's mind goes in circles. She's starved, not for food, but for the violence that goes hand-in-hand with it. ]

Edited (at this point it feels silly to but i'll still cw it) 2023-07-25 04:09 (UTC)

[Max isn’t the only one who thinks about it constantly, it’s just that at this point, any alternative they could come up with is even worse. Choosing to go after the elderly? Picking people at random? It feels like they’d lose no matter what.

And besides, Basil has felt like a murderer for a solid fourth of his life, now. It’s only up from there.

As Max falters once she’s made the ring, Basil realizes with a sinking feeling what issue they’re having. It’s not like many locals visit the park this time of night.]

Yeah. Do…should I stay here?

[He could come with her, but two monsters traveling together seems suspicious. At the very least, he could hang back potentially and keep watch…]

[ Instantly, Max nods her head, but then clarifies— ]

They'll hear. [ And she gestures quickly at his tree-like feet. ] And they'll probably figure, if they see two of us...

[ They're having the same thought processes. Even if Max is having a hard time voicing hers. ]

...But... I mean, if you hang back, maybe...

[ Ultimately, she still...really doesn't want to be alone. She's not sure if she trusts herself. ]

[It makes sense, even if being alone right now definitely leaves him feeling a bit on edge. If they were to go together, the likelihood of them being seen goes up. The likelihood of this getting messy goes up even more.

Basil wants nothing more than for this to be easy, for Max, even though he knows it's not possible for it to be.]

I'll stay right near the park entrance. If you need help...I'll be able to hear you if you call for me, like this.

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, CHARACTER NAME/ALIAS. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 018.07.154.55 * CHARACTER NAME/ALIAS has joined 018.07.154.55 <Daisy>This is Basil! I'm not around right now, but if you leave a message I'll get back to it as soon as I can. <BANNED USER> SCREENED MESSAGE. UNSCREEN? Y/N -- sample for when you ban someone <USERNAME> First sentence of message. <USERNAME>** First sentence of message.

Inbox for ryslig

cw: self depreciation, emotional dysregulation

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cw: cannibalism mention/past self harm

cw: cannibalism in multiple forms (we'll come back to this cw later)

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cw: homicidal ideation as per hunting instincts

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cw: cannibalism discussions, ethical consumption under cannibalism

ITS OKAY I feel u

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